Last night, we had a chance to give away that food we've been stashing in our car. K and I went to McDonalds. We wanted a night out, and a familiar American restaurant sounded good! (You probably think we go there all the time. Seriously, probably 2 out of the 5 total times we've been there have been written about in this blog!) :) We arrived at McDonalds, ate our Big Macs, and started back to the car. Suddenly, K stopped..."A fudge sundae sounds really good right now...wanna split one?" :) Now you know I'd never refuse ice cream; so we made our way back inside. As we approached the door, a little boy around the age of 6, barefoot and donned in ragged clothing opened the door for us. Orphans commonly hang around restaurants, begging for food. K stopped, bent down to his level, met his eyes and asked, "You're hungry, aren't you?" He nodded. "Come inside with us." I couldn't help but notice the entire restaurant stare at us, as we made our way back inside. I'm sure we looked odd to them. A couple of white people, inviting a barefoot orphan inside the restaurant with them. As we stood in line to order food, I remembered the food we had bought specifically for this purpose, which was still in our car. I quietly whispered to the boy that I was going to get more food and would be right back.
As I made my way back to the restaurant, there was a small crowd gathering. Where that one little boy stood before, there were now 4 children. I squatted on the ground with them, opened the bag, and began passing out food. Smiles lit up their faces as they tore into the packages and shared with one another. I began to ask questions. Where are your parents? Often times parents will send their kids out to beg for money during the day while they sit at home. This infuriates me. Two of the boys stared up at me with their big brown eyes and said, "Tidak ada orang tua" (there are no parents). "Tidak ada Mama" (we have no Mama). I felt my heart break into a million pieces. If that wasn't bad enough, I had to ask, "Where do you live?" "There," they pointed. "Kardus." Kardus. The word hit me like a ton of bricks. They live in a cardboard shack. I wanted to gather them in my arms and take them home with me that instant. NO child should have to sleep in a cardboard box. I noticed that the child who was barefoot had black toenails. I mentally scolded myself for changing from my flip-flops to high heels before we left. Had I worn the flip-flops, I would have taken them off my feet. I doubted though that the six year old boy could (or would want to) walk in heels.
As we made our way home, our hearts broke. We talked about how we would always open our home to orphans...but what are the laws regarding that here? What are the ramifications to think through? How can we be Jesus to them where they're at, if it's illegal to bring them into our home? Should we volunteer at the local orphanages? Pray for wisdom in how to think/feel/and act regarding the heartbreaking reality of these children's lives here.
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Taking Our Hands...
So a friend of mine wrote a song that has been on my heart lately. You may remember her from our wedding, but a friend of ours, Lindsay, from Moody has been blessed with the gift of music and is currently touring with Casting Crowns. She has written many songs that have touched my heart. Take a minute and listen to this one before reading the rest of this post...
Take My Hand, Lindsay McCaul
“Lord, didn’t you know that I’d be scared? Couldn’t you see I was unprepared?” I had in my mind what this lifestyle would look like. I thought I had a pretty realistic idea, since I had been overseas before and have many friends on the field as well. But we recently encountered a setback which had us wondering if we had heard Him right in the first place. Are we really supposed to be here? Are we really cut out for this? The enemy whispers in our ears, “You’re unfit to be here. You’ll never adjust. You’ll burn out and go home. You can’t hack it here.” And for a moment, we believe him. As Lindsay sings, “You (God) are telling me that faith is all I need, but fear is all that I can find in me.” Then we realize that we’re succumbing to fear, to lies.
After all, we did hear Him “call us out into the waves and wind.” We heard Him say it; we know He did. When He first called us, we felt brave; we felt strong. But now, now that we can only walk by faith...when we’re face to face with the reality that we aren’t qualified to be here...when we can only rely on His sufficiency...We just need Him to take our hands.
What is the enemy disqualifying you from today? What has God called you to that you feel completely unprepared for? A new ministry or job? A painful or lonely road ahead? Something that intimidates you?
Of course He knew we’d be scared. Of course He knew we were unprepared. But He also knew that He was sufficient for our every need. He knew that although He won’t always give us reasons, He has always promised to take our hand...and that is enough for today.
Take My Hand, Lindsay McCaul
“Lord, didn’t you know that I’d be scared? Couldn’t you see I was unprepared?” I had in my mind what this lifestyle would look like. I thought I had a pretty realistic idea, since I had been overseas before and have many friends on the field as well. But we recently encountered a setback which had us wondering if we had heard Him right in the first place. Are we really supposed to be here? Are we really cut out for this? The enemy whispers in our ears, “You’re unfit to be here. You’ll never adjust. You’ll burn out and go home. You can’t hack it here.” And for a moment, we believe him. As Lindsay sings, “You (God) are telling me that faith is all I need, but fear is all that I can find in me.” Then we realize that we’re succumbing to fear, to lies.
After all, we did hear Him “call us out into the waves and wind.” We heard Him say it; we know He did. When He first called us, we felt brave; we felt strong. But now, now that we can only walk by faith...when we’re face to face with the reality that we aren’t qualified to be here...when we can only rely on His sufficiency...We just need Him to take our hands.
What is the enemy disqualifying you from today? What has God called you to that you feel completely unprepared for? A new ministry or job? A painful or lonely road ahead? Something that intimidates you?
Of course He knew we’d be scared. Of course He knew we were unprepared. But He also knew that He was sufficient for our every need. He knew that although He won’t always give us reasons, He has always promised to take our hand...and that is enough for today.
Monday, March 12, 2012
Grace in the Dark
Blackouts are common around here. Electricity can go out for minutes or hours; we’re never really sure why or for how long! Usually they’re a nuisance...but on one particular night, I was grateful for one!
Eli is now in the stage where he refuses to eat if what is in front of him is not what he wanted. On one particular night, I had spent HOURS preparing (delicious, if I do say so myself) Lemon-Herb Roasted Chicken on a Bed of Vegetables. Just the name of the recipe sounds mouth-watering, doesn’t it? Anyway, this particular recipe is so full of flavor, I was sure Eli was going to love it.
But he didn’t. In fact, when I put it in front of him, he began to scream. It was one of those hair-raising “I don’t want THIS, Mom...I want something else...NOW!” There are few things that remove my patience more quickly than impatience at meal times. (ha...I just noticed how his impatience made me impatient...hmm...) I prayed silently, Lord, give me grace with him. I had just spent hours preparing this...at that moment, I would have rather let him go to bed hungry than have to prepare something else.
Suddenly, our power went out. Not again...I thought. Then I noticed...Eli was no longer crying. I looked over, and I saw him (*gasp*) eating his vegetables and chicken! Because he could no longer see, he couldn’t tell which items he liked on his tray and which ones he didn’t! He had to taste them all in order to figure it out. To this day, Eli loves that recipe!
Seriously, as soon as we were done with dinner, the lights came back on. I love how the Lord has a way of giving us grace when we need it most. Sometimes he uses Eli’s tantrums to teach me patience...and sometimes He graciously gives me a meal of peace and quiet. I love how in this particular instance, He used a method that usually elicits an Elijah-like reaction in me. Blackouts usually equal annoyance in me...that night, it equaled grace.
Eli is now in the stage where he refuses to eat if what is in front of him is not what he wanted. On one particular night, I had spent HOURS preparing (delicious, if I do say so myself) Lemon-Herb Roasted Chicken on a Bed of Vegetables. Just the name of the recipe sounds mouth-watering, doesn’t it? Anyway, this particular recipe is so full of flavor, I was sure Eli was going to love it.
But he didn’t. In fact, when I put it in front of him, he began to scream. It was one of those hair-raising “I don’t want THIS, Mom...I want something else...NOW!” There are few things that remove my patience more quickly than impatience at meal times. (ha...I just noticed how his impatience made me impatient...hmm...) I prayed silently, Lord, give me grace with him. I had just spent hours preparing this...at that moment, I would have rather let him go to bed hungry than have to prepare something else.
Suddenly, our power went out. Not again...I thought. Then I noticed...Eli was no longer crying. I looked over, and I saw him (*gasp*) eating his vegetables and chicken! Because he could no longer see, he couldn’t tell which items he liked on his tray and which ones he didn’t! He had to taste them all in order to figure it out. To this day, Eli loves that recipe!
Seriously, as soon as we were done with dinner, the lights came back on. I love how the Lord has a way of giving us grace when we need it most. Sometimes he uses Eli’s tantrums to teach me patience...and sometimes He graciously gives me a meal of peace and quiet. I love how in this particular instance, He used a method that usually elicits an Elijah-like reaction in me. Blackouts usually equal annoyance in me...that night, it equaled grace.
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Cockroaches, Lizards, and Termites...oh My!
What do cockroaches, lizards, termites, ants, mosquitoes, and spiders have in common? Oh yeah, they all periodically live in my house. I wish I were kidding. Now before you all cancel your tickets to come and visit me, let me just say that we’re not overrun, by any means. But when you have to wash all of your clothes because you found 3 baby roaches and a spider in your closet, you get a little annoyed. Combine that with a little cultural stress, and it snowballs. This is so disgusting. I can’t stand living here anymore. Can’t I just go home now? Seriously, it was never like this in the States....And then the Lord reminds me of TX :) Where I killed a few roaches, spiders, and ants in my house, and lizards roamed my walls as well. Ok Lord...you’re right. But at least we had carpet.
Oh how quickly we forget. I find that as life seems to get “hard” or undesirable here, I am quick to remember the “green grass” of the States. I become like Elijah, quick to throw a little temper tantrum in my mind when things don’t go my way!
Yesterday I let bitterness take root in my heart. I was short with my husband, short with my son (who whined constantly all day). There were more ants, despite my efforts to keep a clean house. My walls are still bare, despite my longing to make our house feel like a home. They still burn trash in our street, which makes our house smell like, well, burning trash. I was finding myself becoming increasingly annoyed with everyone and everything. My husband, sensing my cultural stress, suggested we go to McDonalds for ice cream. (I know, right? How hard can it be when there’s a McDonalds in your city?) :)
As we drove our way to McDonalds in the rain, we stopped at a stoplight. As normal, kids were selling newspapers on the corner. But as I looked closely, I noticed - no parents were around with them. And in fact, they weren’t selling anything. They were begging for money...barefoot...in the rainy gutters. There was a little girl no more than 5 years old, skipping barefoot in the rain, as someone just gave her 2,000 Rupiah - the equivalent of 20 cents. I noticed a woman sitting on the side curb with children around her. Most likely, these children were orphans, gathered up by this woman. They would beg all day, and she would collect the money at the end of the day. Ever seen Slumdog Millionaire? Yeah. Like that.
Suddenly, ice cream didn’t seem to matter. My bare walls and the ants in my kitchen didn’t seem to matter...we had a safe, beautiful home to return to. Eli’s whininess faded away, as my gratitude for him grew. I felt guilty that we were on our way to get Eli new shoes...and these children were playing in the gutter barefoot. Where would they find their next meal? Would this woman let them keep any of the money they had worked for? Who was taking care of these kids at night? Who would protect that 5 year old girl from being sold into sex slavery? I wanted to cry, to pull over and give that woman a piece of my mind, to take the kids to McDonalds with us and get them a decent meal, to give them the shoes off my feet all at the same time...
But then the light turned green. The kids scattered. We went on to McDonalds and the mall as planned. But did it really matter any more? We decided to buy food items and flip flops to keep in our car, so we would have something to give the children the next time. But when do you know if you’re doing more harm than good? Chances are if we give a child a pair of shoes and he or she lives in an orphanage, he or she could get beaten up because of it and the shoes would be stolen. Once I get this language down, my heart longs to reach out to the children in this city...They are dearly loved by Jesus; and yet they are the most exploited people in this city.
Oh how quickly we forget. I find that as life seems to get “hard” or undesirable here, I am quick to remember the “green grass” of the States. I become like Elijah, quick to throw a little temper tantrum in my mind when things don’t go my way!
Yesterday I let bitterness take root in my heart. I was short with my husband, short with my son (who whined constantly all day). There were more ants, despite my efforts to keep a clean house. My walls are still bare, despite my longing to make our house feel like a home. They still burn trash in our street, which makes our house smell like, well, burning trash. I was finding myself becoming increasingly annoyed with everyone and everything. My husband, sensing my cultural stress, suggested we go to McDonalds for ice cream. (I know, right? How hard can it be when there’s a McDonalds in your city?) :)
As we drove our way to McDonalds in the rain, we stopped at a stoplight. As normal, kids were selling newspapers on the corner. But as I looked closely, I noticed - no parents were around with them. And in fact, they weren’t selling anything. They were begging for money...barefoot...in the rainy gutters. There was a little girl no more than 5 years old, skipping barefoot in the rain, as someone just gave her 2,000 Rupiah - the equivalent of 20 cents. I noticed a woman sitting on the side curb with children around her. Most likely, these children were orphans, gathered up by this woman. They would beg all day, and she would collect the money at the end of the day. Ever seen Slumdog Millionaire? Yeah. Like that.
Suddenly, ice cream didn’t seem to matter. My bare walls and the ants in my kitchen didn’t seem to matter...we had a safe, beautiful home to return to. Eli’s whininess faded away, as my gratitude for him grew. I felt guilty that we were on our way to get Eli new shoes...and these children were playing in the gutter barefoot. Where would they find their next meal? Would this woman let them keep any of the money they had worked for? Who was taking care of these kids at night? Who would protect that 5 year old girl from being sold into sex slavery? I wanted to cry, to pull over and give that woman a piece of my mind, to take the kids to McDonalds with us and get them a decent meal, to give them the shoes off my feet all at the same time...
But then the light turned green. The kids scattered. We went on to McDonalds and the mall as planned. But did it really matter any more? We decided to buy food items and flip flops to keep in our car, so we would have something to give the children the next time. But when do you know if you’re doing more harm than good? Chances are if we give a child a pair of shoes and he or she lives in an orphanage, he or she could get beaten up because of it and the shoes would be stolen. Once I get this language down, my heart longs to reach out to the children in this city...They are dearly loved by Jesus; and yet they are the most exploited people in this city.
Friday, March 9, 2012
Finding My Life...By Losing It.
Matthew 10:37-39
“Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.”
As I read those familiar words this morning, I was taken aback once again by the lack of “wiggle room” Jesus gives us. Come on, Lord...did you have to be so harsh about it? Couldn’t you have just said “those who sacrifice for my sake” or “those who give up a lot for my sake...” Do I really have to LOSE my life? Isn’t that a little extreme?
And yet these days, I feel that’s exactly what He’s doing...stripping me of the “life” I’ve built around myself for so long, in order that I might find the life He desires for me - the abundant life he promised. This blog has been created for two purposes: 1. So I can journal thoughts I have through this process of “finding” my life as I lose it; and 2. Because I promised my Mom :) I didn’t promise her a blog, necessarily. But before we left the States, I promised her that I wouldn’t keep all this to myself. Those of you who have known me for a long time know that I have a tendency to bottle up what I’m feeling and display a “strong, I-have-it-all-together” exterior. It’s not only a temptation of mine, but it is very prevalent among people who live on the field. I promised her that I wouldn’t do that. So the second reason I’ve decided to start this blog is to give my closest friends and family an open door into my heart. I know we don’t all get to skype or talk often...so anytime you’re wondering how we’re doing or how you can pray, you can know instantly, even with the time zone difference :) I’ve only given a certain number of people access to this blog, because of the sensitivity of the work we’re doing; so please do not pass it around.
I am so grateful for the love and friendship of each of you. Please don’t see this blog as a substitute for communication - only a supplement ;) Love y’all!
“Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.”
As I read those familiar words this morning, I was taken aback once again by the lack of “wiggle room” Jesus gives us. Come on, Lord...did you have to be so harsh about it? Couldn’t you have just said “those who sacrifice for my sake” or “those who give up a lot for my sake...” Do I really have to LOSE my life? Isn’t that a little extreme?
And yet these days, I feel that’s exactly what He’s doing...stripping me of the “life” I’ve built around myself for so long, in order that I might find the life He desires for me - the abundant life he promised. This blog has been created for two purposes: 1. So I can journal thoughts I have through this process of “finding” my life as I lose it; and 2. Because I promised my Mom :) I didn’t promise her a blog, necessarily. But before we left the States, I promised her that I wouldn’t keep all this to myself. Those of you who have known me for a long time know that I have a tendency to bottle up what I’m feeling and display a “strong, I-have-it-all-together” exterior. It’s not only a temptation of mine, but it is very prevalent among people who live on the field. I promised her that I wouldn’t do that. So the second reason I’ve decided to start this blog is to give my closest friends and family an open door into my heart. I know we don’t all get to skype or talk often...so anytime you’re wondering how we’re doing or how you can pray, you can know instantly, even with the time zone difference :) I’ve only given a certain number of people access to this blog, because of the sensitivity of the work we’re doing; so please do not pass it around.
I am so grateful for the love and friendship of each of you. Please don’t see this blog as a substitute for communication - only a supplement ;) Love y’all!
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